Incredibly Disturbing Theories About Classic Kids’ Shows – Say Goodbye To Your Childhood

Spongebob Squarepants – Seven Deadly Sins

spongebob characters seven deadly sins

This theory baffled me quite a bit – certainly made me think differently about by childhood.. First off, what are the Seven Deadly Sins? In Christianity, the Seven Deadly Sins are for whatever reason directly responsible for all forms of evil in the world. The sins? Sloth, Wrath, Greed, Envy, Gluttony, Pride, and Lust. From your recollection, the Spongebob characters appear innocent, but what if behind those beloved colors lies the darkest depths of the human soul, aka, the Seven Deadly Sins 🙂

Patrick = Sloth

Patrick, whom at actually won an award for “doing nothing longer than anybody else”, represents Sloth.

Squidward = Wrath

Squidward, probably the biggest kill-joy in TV history, represents Wrath.

Mr. Krabs = Greed 

Mr. Krabs, with his fetish for money, represents Greed.

Gary the Snail = Gluttony 

Gary the Snail, who devours more food than Sally Struthers, represents Gluttony.

Plankton = Envy 

Plankton, who does nothing more than steal from the cheap Mr. Krabs, represents Envy.

Sandy = Pride

Sandy, who obnoxiously brags about how much better it is in Texas, represents Pride.

Spongebob = Lust

Spongebob, who has an unhealthy, even unholy love for everyone, represents Lust.

Next Up – Was the kid from Fairly Odd Parents on anti-depressants?

Fairly Odd Parents – Anti-Depressants

fairly odd parents antidepressants

The more I think about this theory, the more I come to believe it. This theory suggests that Timmy’s fairies are nothing more than anti-depressants.

Cosmo, who tends to make Timmy all giddy and excited, represents Zoloft.

Wanda tends to make Timmy more analytical and focused, and she represents Prozac.

Lets start from the beginning – the far fairy godparents arrived on the very same night Vicky, his demented bitch of a babysitter, comes to his life. Basically, the godparents first reached out to Timmy when he was succumbing to a period of intense stress and problems in his life; so his gloom finally shines when he receives ‘Prozac’ and ‘Zoloft’. The parallels persist as Timmy abuses the magic (anti-depressants), overusing to the point where he becomes bored and impervious regardless of how much he uses, because he built up a tolerance to the magic (anti-depressants) over time. You know how anti-depressants make you extremely dependent on them over time? In a number of episodes, Timmy wasn’t able to perform even simple tasks without his ‘Prozac’ and ‘Zoloft’.

Next you will learn about how Big Pete in Pete & Pete suffered from Schizophrenia.

Pete & Pete – Big Pete Was A Schizophrenic

pete and pete

Remember that show Pete & Pete? The show that ran between 1991 and 1996 and featured a troubled redhead and his midget twin. Well, apparently Big Pete had schizophrenia as a backlash to his troubled childhood; ridiculous huh? Not really, let’s investigate.. Little Pete seems to be the manifestation of Big Pete’s longing lust for a ‘free-spirited’ childhood, that is, Little Pete is the ‘child’ Big Pete always dreamed of being. And to top off this erratic onslaught, remember Artie? 

The self-proclaimed ‘strongest man in the world’ seems to show up in Big Pete’s life whenever things get incredibly dull for the ladder; despite the fact that Artie is the kind of person a normal mom would never let anywhere near her child. This suggests that both Little Pete and Artie are merely hallucinations in Big Pete’s twisted psyche.

Now for the elephant in the room – WTF was Steve taking in Blue’s Clues????

Blue’s Clues – Steve Is A Junkie

blues clues steve high

This may not be news for you – rumors about Steve dying of a drug overdose went rampant before our beloved internet was born. But remembering the Steve on the show, you’ve got to be stoned out of your mind to think Steve was not ‘puffing the magic dragon’ himself. Think about it! 

steve high

Kooky Stevie talks to his dog; OK we all do that, but the dude also talks to his mailbox and household appliances! If you do that, you better get yourself checked into rehab. And if that’s not enough for your crazy a$$es, get a load of this; he seems to believe that he can explore different worlds by leaping into paintings, he views everything around him as a cartoon, and he can’t figure out the most trivial things even though his dog practically shoves it down his throat.

kooky steve

Personally, I want some of what he’s got..

Another creepypasta from Spongebob – Mr. Krabs was a demented cannibal!!

Spongebob Squarepants – Mr. Krabs Is A Cannibal

mr krabs cannibal

You have to agree on this one – I mean for Christ Sakes, this is a show that takes place under the sea, where the hell does Mr. Krabs get all that meat for those ‘Krabby Patties’? Speaking of ‘Krabby Patties’, the name pretty much gives it away; Hannibal Lecter is cannibalizing his own species to make a profit! You see the image above? In that scene, he quoted: “” First off, there are no other crabs in the entirety of the show, because they’re all being served at the Krusty Crab. Second, take a look at Krusty Crab’s menu, it pretty much gives it away:

krusty crab menu

Hint: Almost every item in the menu contains a key ingredient from his own flesh and blood. Oh and let’s not forget about the name KRUSTY CRAB!

Here’s something what we’ve all been thinking – The Eerily Disturbing Shared Universe Of Drake & Josh!

Crazy Steve Murdered Drake And Josh, Kidnapped Megan, Became Spencer Shay, Then Got Admitted

crazy steve vs spencer shay

Crazy Steve was a recurring character on Drake and Josh, bent on giving us all the shivers.This dude could not keep himself afloat, frequently displaying violent outbursts, almost killing every person who gets near him. Now here’s where things get interesting, Jerry Trainor, the nut who played Crazy Steve, went on to play Spencer Shay on the show iCarly. iCarly eventually spun off into Sam and Cat, the latter featuring an episode with Crazy Steve, locked up in some insane asylum. This spin-off fully confirmed the fan theory that all three shows take place in a shared universe.

So now to the backstory of this shared universe – Crazy Steve kills Drake and Josh, kidnaps their sister Megan, proceeds to take her to Seattle, where he gives both her and himself fake names, in order to evade the police. Eventually, Steve was completely possessed by Spencer Shay (one of his personalities), that is until Megan/Carly was rescued by her father in the end of iCarly, which results in Steve having a mental breakdown, where he is hauled off to that insane asylum that was featured in Sam and Cat.

For The Next Theory – Scooby Doo Was A Soviet Experiment.

Scooby-Doo – Scooby Was Part Of A Soviet Government Experiment

scooby doo

Ahhhh how we all loved this goofy dolt and his equally deficient dog! 😊 Which is why I am disappointed that all these insane mysterious were really just one big mystery at the hands of Soviet Russia. So why am I so deranged as to imply this show was a Soviet experiment? I’ll answer that question with 2 questions –

Why and how does Scooby talk? And why is the government always chasing the gang? Now i’ll answer those 2 questions with 1 long answer: During the Cold War, scientists in Soviet Russia were actually experimenting with methodologies to make dogs super-intelligent, and Shaggy was was one of those scientists. (hard to believe right?) However, thanks to his kindhearted soul and vegetated brain, Shaggy freed Scooby and they fled to the US. This is the reason why the gang keeps getting chased by the government, and Scooby talks 😁

Here’s an interesting theory – Pokemon was all a dream that Ash Ketchum concocted in a coma. 

Pokemon – Ash Is In A Coma And Is Dreaming Everything

pokemon ash in a coma

I’m assuming you all know what Pokemon is – Pokemon Go is merely the grown-a$$ manifestation of the 90’s-2000’s craze of Pokemon Cards and Ash Ketchum. Throughout the show we see Ash travelling across the fictitious world as we all envy him “cathin em all!” and moving up the ranks of Pokemon training.. But what if he didn’t experience this? What if this amazing adventure was just a colossal dream he had while in a coma? Remember when Ash got struck by lighting at the very beginning of the show? Creepypasta nuts are of the opinion that Ash fell into a coma following this incident, and that all of his adventures thereafter had been a dream. Lets dissect: 

While in his “coma”, different characters in Ash’s life represent various parts of his psyche, or infirmities in his body. He could only survive the incident and come out of his coma if he fights through every ‘obstacle’, and live out his fantasy to the very end.. Have you noticed how the pacing, tone and plot-line of the show changes immediately after Ash is struck by lighting? Why does every town have the same police officers? Why does every Pokemon Center have the same nurse? Why is a young boy travelling the world with nothing other than a Pikachu, a pedophile, and a hot redhead?

How is it that this young boy ranked top 5 in Pokemon Leagues, destroyed the Orange League and Battle Frontier, yet somehow every time he enters a new region nobody seems to know who the hell he is?

waking up pissed off

If I were Ash and became Pokemon master after all that hard work, then just woke up and realized it was one long-a$$ dream, god help Nurse Joy..

Next up you will hear some NOT so surprising facts about Winnie The Poo and his friends.

Winnie The Poo – Every Character Represents A Form Of Mental Illness

winnie-the-pooh-characters

To be frank, I couldn’t stand any of the Winnie the Poo characters – they are literally POO! Now that I got that off my chest, each of the characters in the franchise have their own unique personality, each wining about their own issues, and each competent enough to at least help the other with a certain problem. To no surprise whatsoever, theory has it that all the characters on the show have their own unique mental illness; they are cuckoos…. Don’t believe me? – This observation was proposed and published by the Canadian Medical Association, a god damn medical journal! Lets take a look at their QUALIFIED observations:

Pooh = Almost Everything

Pooh is the cocktail of all common mental illnesses in their chronic forms; he has OCD, ADHD, and is morbidly obese.  This is based on him having scattered and disordered thoughts, making obnoxious remarks at random, and unordinary forgetfulness.

Christopher Robins = Schizophrenia 

OK this one’s obvious; this kid talks to his toys for Christ Sake! Apparently, he has some form of Schizophrenia, or some kind of Identity Disorder, as a result of poor parental guidance.

Piglet = GAD 

Piglet is the textbook definition of Generalized Anxiety Disorder; he lives his days freaking out over the most faint movements and noises. The dude should probably be on Lexapro.

Roo = Autism 

Roo is most likely within the autism spectrum; he constantly stumbles upon danger despite his mother’s warnings, pays no attention to his surroundings, and has little to no interest in venturing out of his mama’s pouch.

Tiger = ADHD

This is the biggest no-brainer I’ve written to this day; this !@#$ing tiger can’t sit still for one second! He is the textbook definition of Attention Deficit HYPERACTIVE Disorder; he also shows signs of poor impulse control, always assuming that everyone around him is interested in his shenanigans.

Eeyore = Chronic Dysthymia 

Eeyore’s mood can make even the most contempt monk chronically depressed. He’s probably the reason our generation is in a comatose state, with young adults indulging themselves on victim points and crying over harmless puns. Even when something good happens, Eeyore seems to take pleasure within the blues. Without a doubt, he suffers from Chronic Dysthymia.

Kanga = SAD

Kanga unquestionably suffers from severe Social Anxiety Disorder; she avoids going out at all times, and refuses to let poor Boo get out of her pouch and socialize.

Owl = Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Owl is the perfect example of a narcissistic know-it-all; he grandiosely show cases his wisdom, in order to hide the insecurity that is embedded deep within him. He is convinced that he’s superior to all the other characters (not such an impressive achievement). He most likely has Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Next – was Rugrats just a fantasy cooked up in a disturbed little girl’s mind?

Rugrats – It’s All In Angelica’s Head

angelica made up rugrats in her head

I don’t know a singe Millennial who didn’t watch Rugrats – it was an entertaining show for every walk of life! Due it’s popularity, fans who are disturbingly 20-30 years of age concocted a handful of twisted theories regarding Rugrats. But of all the twists and pulls, one proposition sticks out – The whole show, and everything that happened in it, was all in Angelica’s demented mind. What would drive such madness you ask?? Let’s go through it step by step:

1. Her relationship with daddy is superficial, and her !@#$% of a mom is too busy at work to show her any affection. To cope with her loneliness, Angelica cooked up the Rugrats fantasy, with all the exciting adventures that came with it.

2. Ever wondered why Chucky’s dad is a neurotic mess? Because Chucky was never actually born, he was simply a figment of Angelica’s wild imagination; Chucky’s mom died in a car accident while she was still pregnant with him.

3. Tommy died in his mother’s womb, which is why his dad spends most of the time in the basement like some lunatic, making toys for the son he never had.. Of course, Angelica pretended that Tommy was actually born.

4. The DeVilles were forced to abort their twins due to unfortunate circumstances. They never found out the babies’ gender(s); however, Angelica took what she heard, and proceeded to envision them as a boy and a girl.

5. Angelica’s biological mom died of a drug overdose, and she left that equally junkie-looking doll for her only daughter. Angelica’s irresponsible and money-craved step-mom only married her dad for the life insurance inheritance that arose from her biological mother’s fatal drug overdose.

6. Dillan was the only baby who couldn’t speak, and the only baby who wouldn’t take sh!# from Angelica. This is of course because he was the only real baby, that is, he was not a figment of Angelica’s mind.

7. Angelica ends up abusing drugs like her biological mother during the series spin-off, particularly hallucinogens. These substances twist her already fragile, but recovering mind, bringing her fantasies back into an abyss. This inevitably led to the recreation of her ‘imaginary friends’, only this time taking the form of teenagers in order to compensate for passing time.

8. Susie is the only non-imaginary friend Angelica has; throughout the series, she was constantly trying to help Angelica get better, to no avail..

This next one will ruin your childhood for sure..

Spongebob Squarepants – Spongebob and Patrick Died In The First Movie

spongebob and patrick dead

If you are a true Spongebob patriot, there’s no way you did not notice the eerily different personalities between Spongebob [seasons 1-5] and Spongebob [seasons 5-present]. Both of these hermits seem much more childish after season 5, and not in a funny way. You’re about to find out why, so say goodbye to your childhood.

Remember in the first movie how Spongebob and Patrick dried out and died? Only to miraculously be brought back to life by their tears? Well, news flash, tears do not bring you back to life. Now brace yourselves for some Marine Biology!

When a piece of sea sponge or starfish break off in the ocean, it regenerates a new sea sponge or starfish around that broken piece. That’s Spongebob and Patrick at that scene – they broke off, and regenerated into a new, and much more obnoxious Spongebob and Patrick.

Now here’s another interesting fact about Fairly Odd Parents!

Fairly Odd Parents – Timmy Turner Is Danny Phantom

timmy turner vs danny phantom

First of all, just look at the 2 characters; they have the same hair, the same eyes, the same eyebrows, they are literally identical in almost every way. Remember how Timmy wished for a more interesting life as a ghost hunter before he turned 13? Well, Danny Phantom is probably that wish. Aside from Timmy and Danny looking exactly the same, the annoying twats in their lives are almost identical as well. Here are some comparisons:

sam manson vs tootie
Sam looks like an older Tootie
aj vs tucker
Tucker is just an older AJ
timmy mom vs danny mom
Tiimy’s Mom vs Danny’s Mom
timmy dad vs danny dad
Timmy’s dad vs Danny’s dad

Note: When Timmy made his final wish to Prozac and Zoloft, he wished that the people “close to him” will remain in his life forever.

Here’s one you’ll all love – Avatar: The Last Airbender is set in a Post-Apocalyptic dysphoria. 

Avatar: The Post-Apocalyptic Airbender

avatar the last airbender apocalypse

 

The Wild ThornBerry’s – I want some of what Eliza’s got!

The Wild ThornBerry’s – Eliza Is Taking Acid

the wild thornberrys eliza

Remember that stupid !@#$ing show featuring family that are supposedly filming their father’s nature show around the world, but instead film Eliza the whole time? Well, apparently Eliza is stoned on some kind of drug; honestly, I cannot protest.. Eliza has this gifted ability where she could talk to animals, but not a single twat in Eliza’s family ever saw her displaying this magical power!

eliza talking to turtles

And that’s how it is throughout the show, they never see her communicating with a bunch of turtles, and Eliza is convinced that she could. Remember how in the third season Eliza had some kind of appendix infection? Yeah, that was an adverse effect from all that acid she took on the show..

Remember Penelope Taynt from The Amanda Show? She was much more twisted than you originally hoped..

The Amanda Show – Penelope Taynt Killed Amanda Bynes For Her Identity

amanda bynes vs penelope taynt

Remember that annoying !@#$% who would constantly disrupt The Amanda Show because she had a fetish for Amanda? Well, this celebrity-ogler, Penelope, supposedly killed Amanda and stole her identity; makes sense, she was always envious of Amanda..

penelope fighting

When have you ever seen Amanda and Penelope together? They claim that Penelope was never able to get close to Amanda, and that Amanda is playing Penelope; personally, I think Penelope killed Amanda and is now playing her.

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