8 Reasons College Is The Biggest Pyramid Scheme Since The Scientific Revolution

1. Peer Pressure

college pressure graduation

From the moment you start 6th grade, you are bombarded by modern man’s obsession with college admissions. Your friends constantly ask where you will fall prey in the college pyramid, and if you tell them that you’re not planning on being the sucker after you graduate high school, they will deflect a condescending demeanor upon you, and you will forever be celebrating birthdays alone. Finally, after a long day at school, you arrive home, greeted by two tigers, who order you to spend the rest of your evening studying, and doing whatever extracurricular activities will look appealing on a college application.

Now here’s where Madoff really kicks in. You make an oath to your lonesome self that you will never put this kind of pressure on you’re children; but that’s a crock of BS, you grow up to have kids, and while still barraged with student debt, you put tremendous pressure on them to follow your footsteps. What makes colleges so Ponzi-like is that they thrive on that American tradition, where kids follow their parents’ footsteps and attend their precious Alma mater. The University does not even have to market itself, their “victims” do all the marketing for them. Meanwhile, they proceed to inflate tuition costs, year after year. And that brings us to the next piece of the Pyramid puzzle.

2. The Cost Of Tuition

college tuition over time

Who would have thought that college tuition will be more expensive than a Ferrari; not my grandfather i’ll tell you that much.. The chart shows how much college tuition costs went up since 1980.

Ironic isn’t it? It doesn’t matter how much we technologically progressed, tuition costs have been inflating about 1000 times faster than the national inflation rate. Despite a national deficit over over $1 Trillion, we are still falling prey to this Ponzi scheme, pushing our kids to follow our footsteps in Diploma Mill State University, while our American seniors are short on retirement funds due to Anthropology hippies defaulting on their student loans.

And that brings us to the next part..

3. Student Loans

student loans

The entire student loan industry is a colossal pyramid controlled by the biggest universities in America.

Think about it –

  1. Sucker graduates high school.
  2. Universities up tuition costs.
  3. Sucker gets abandoned by parents.
  4. Sucker goes to the bank to borrow money.
  5. If bank agrees to provide the loan, University gets $200,000 up front, and the bank’s customers absorb the loan default.
  6. If bank is wise enough to reject sucker’s application, college-brainwashed student loanshark provides the debt, in exchange for a lifetime of exorbitant interest.

It doesn’t matter how it plays out for you, the bank, or the loanshark, the University will be swimming in your shame! And best of all, they’ll prey on your kids after you smuther them into it!

4. The Brand Name

stanford university pyramid scheme

Stanfard, Harvard, MIT, Berkley, Yale, Princeton, Cornell, Brown.. What’s in a name? Well, according to the mentioned universities, they provide a solid education, renowned professors, beautiful campuses, information and lots of resources. While most of these promises are kept, the most important one is not – a solid education. What constitutes a good education? Are universities honestly the only way to learn stuff? Here’s how each of their promises is a load of horse manure.

Wanna know how it feels to get brutally rejected? Take a course at Stanford University, when you finish your professor will not even know you exist. College professors, especially at prestigious schools, are indifferent to your education, they just care about making a breakthrough at the lab.. Seems like this is more of a ploy to get your time and money. Just like any classic pyramid, these Ivy Leagues are very good at making themselves look flamboyant by perfecting their physical appearance, but it’s only on the inside that students realize they just forked over $200,000 for a miserable 4 years at a 5-star hotel. Really? Are we still in the 19th century where we have pay our kidneys for a decent book? Most Pyramids are aware that they have zero to offer, but like snake-oil salesmen, they are really good at making that pile of poop look golden at the eyes of their victims. In reality however, we have Coursera, Udacity, Plural Sight, Udemy, Edx, Kindle, and much more. All at the comfort of our own homes (if we could still afford a home), and usually without a cost.. You know what I find strange? The most competitive universities tend to go over 19th century material. It doesn’t matter what you study, Harvard will be ignorant to all the new information out there, instead somehow convincing you that you should be reading a book about Native Americans.

5. The Admissions System

college acceptance

Once upon a time there was a man named Bernard Madoff. He ran a hedge fund that promised his investors 1% every month fixed, no matter the market changes. Money-craved suckers were lining up at his doorstep, begging him to take their unworthy money. To their debacle, he rejected most of them, and only took massive accounts. This rejection system garnered him even more attention, which is what led to this catastrophe being coined “the biggest Ponzi scheme in the history of man”. There exists an institution known by all human beings as a University. Some universities happily open their doors to all those wishing to gain wisdom, but a few, more clever ones, reject over 90% of their aspiring applicants.

As technology progresses, and we are introduced to machine learning, Coursera, nanodegrees, blockchain and much more, those who were gracefully accepted to the Ivy League come to the realization that all this sucking up got them was privilege that had been freely available for over a decade, and they will have to be at terms with their -$200,000 bank account for as long as they live. Needless to say, Madoff learned something from his Alma mater – Universities are experts at “rejection marketing”, which is the art of refusing money, as a means to make yourself look exclusive, with the hopes that you will be rewarded with a bigger load later on. Aside from just raising tuition costs exorbitantly, past pupils are so grateful that Stanford welcomed them with open arms, they end up sending their kids to them as well. And to top it all off, they donate hefty sums of money to Stanford, so that their offspring can have the same suppressed college memories.

And that brings us to #6.

6. Donations (Bribery)

college donations

So you think your tuition payments cover the massive research costs incurred by your beloved Alma mater? Let me break this to you, like a bandage.. Much of an Ivy League university’s budget is comprised of endowments – schmucks like you and I donate money to them so that our kids can have the same college experience we had (whatever we want to remember), universities invest that money like greedy hogs, and use the accumulated interest to fund their research (which they always take credit for).

Sounds familiar? That’s because it is. Universities like Stanfard reject over 90% of their applicants, raising tuition, and preying on the few percent who do get accepted. They use their corporate connections, via job fairs and startup conferences, to place their pupils in high positions. Eventually, those pupils become shit rich, and of course, Stanford uses it’s exclusive image to hound money out of them. Let’s discuss the connections Ivy Leage universities have with the corporate landscape.

7. A Monopoly On Human Resources And Business Investors

human resources

It all took place during the Scientific Revolution. People were fed up with Church, and were inspired by a handful of scientific discoveries at the time. The first universities realized the potential to control not just America, but the entire planet; by gathering a bunch of hermits (the college professors), they presented themselves as THE source for scientific wisdom, cherry picking intellectually-impaired schnooks who were lusting for their educational services.

And hence came the educational institution we know as College today; universities established connections with science-driven and disruptive industries, the first pupils graduated, universities provided them with job fairs, connecting them with major players in these new industries, the pupils got shit rich eventually, and loyally donated a hefty sum of money to their cash-driven Alma maters. Again, they repeated this strategy for centuries; maintain industrial connections, refuse most students, up tuition costs, connect their graduates with the Fortune 500 and top investors, eventually mooch off of their new-found wealth, and so on and so forth.

8. The Value Of College Rests On How Society Perceives It

university bubble

There’s no need to go over this again – we live in an era of smartphones, AI, internet-connected devices, distance learning, etc. But why do employers still demand college graduates?

The answer to that is simple – because they can’t see the emperor naked (the emperor being illustrious universities like Stanford).

Having said that, Stanford and other top universities rely on societal perception; once employers realize that college degrees are worth about as much as your grandma’s socks, they will filter on more effective criteria, such as nano degrees and bootcamps. Stanford knows this, which is why they continue to burn money on sports and exorbitant campus features.. The only value universities possess is the career stability “they offer”, and you schmucks will continue to flock their doors until the bubble explodes.