The Most Baffling Cases Of ‘The Butterfly Effect’

8. One Vicious Sandwich

the evil sandwich

Archduke Franz Ferdinand was a member of the imperial Habsburg dynasty. He had a bounty on his a$$. I’m not gonna bore you guys with stupid history $h!t, I just wanna make sure that you understand this man was so significant, that assassins were preying on his gonads.

The Event

A man by the name of Gavrilo Princip was hired to assassinate Ferdinand; and had already made his first lousy attempt. Princip threw a grenade on Ferdinand’s motorcade, and epicly missed, hitting another car; Ferdinand fled to the hospital with the schnook who took his hit. Princip decided that his phenomenal performance entitled him to a well deserved lunch break, so he headed out to a deli and bought himself a sandwich. To his surprise, Ferdinand, for some foolish reason, stopped his car right outside the deli; Princip ran outside and gunned Ferdinand to oblivion, showering him with bullets and rendering him dead at the scene.

The Butterfly Effect 

The hilariously executed assassination of Ferdinand led to animus international conflicts, which in turn led to the harrowing events of World War I. Had Princip have been a competent assassin, and went out to search for the fleeing Ferdinand, instead of getting himself a sandwich after a failed assassination attempt, Ferdinand would have lived on, the world would have avoided bitter conflicts, and WWI would have never been in your 3rd grade history books.

7. The Good Samaritan

seinfeld the good samaritan

Henry Tandey, a fine Englishman, was swimming in the bloodbath of the heated 1918 conflict between Britain, Germany, and France; he was a soldier for the British army, who was sent to France to fight the intruding German forces.

The Event

He was massacring the $h!t out of a bunch of Germans, when his gun flashed towards a young German soldier. Something within Tandey’s butt!@#$ intuition possessed him to spare this young German life.

The Butterfly Effect

This “motherly” intuition came back to !@#$ Tandey’s fellow Brits in the a$$ with a throbbing whistle , as well as the rest of the world; that young German soldier was 29-year-old Adolf Hitler, and had Tandey pulled the trigger, the Holocaust would have been avoided, and millions of innocent Jews would have lived oblivious to it.

6. The One Time My Sister’s Piece Of !@#$ Car Paid Off

crappy car


Ever since my sister reached driving age, my friends and I would rip on her for having a notoriously crummy car. My mom would often borrow it, to her debacle..

The Event

One morning, on her way to a family function, my sister’s muffler fell off her car (I was not the least bit surprised). It wasn’t a big deal for my sister, but unfortunately for my mom, it meant the latter couldn’t drive to her doctor’s appointment, which was scheduled later in the afternoon. My uncle, who was visiting my grandma at the time with his wife, decided to be a good brother and drive my mom to her dearest appointment; this altered the plan he made with his wife to return to their farm that very afternoon. But they didn’t, and my aunt was forced to wait at my grandma’s until my uncle would finish carrying out his good deed.

The Butterfly Effect

As my uncle was driving my mom to her doctor’s appointment, we were shocked to learn that my grandmother had a heart attack.. Had it not been for my sister’s piece of !@#$ excuse for a car, my grandma would have been completely alone, and my aunt would not have been there to call the paramedics.

5. The Freedom Of Black People Rests On A Single Gun License

gun on a table

Back in the dark age, African-Americans were enslaved and treated as second class citizens. They eventually earned their rights by protesting in the righteous way; getting educated, and educating white people on equality. Before this protesting fashion, African Americans demanded their rights in a far more bloody manner, which didn’t amount to anything.

The Event

Some dude was elected leader of the Montgomery Improvement Association, and he decided to celebrate by applying for a gun license. To his dismay, his application was rejected.

The Butterfly Effect

Had Martin Luther King received that firearm license, there is an incredibly hefty chance that he would have encouraged a different method of protesting. Now look, I’m not saying that it is 100% certain that he was prepping a mass shooting (please no virtue signaling), however, there is a good chance at best, and an even better chance that King was contemplating a mass shooting. Had that been the case, black lives as you know it would have ceased to exist, and the rights of black people would have been a mere figment in “The Twilight Zone”.

4. The Burning House All Kids Love Today

burning house

A man by the name of Ole Kirk Christiansen was running a thriving carpentry shop.

The Event

On one unfortunate evening in 1924, Kirk’s shop tragically burned to the ground; but old Kirk didn’t give up on his unnatural passion for carpentry. As a matter of fact, Kirk was gearing up for a much bigger shop, until the Great Depression mutilated every flesh of the American Economy; people could no longer invest in real estate. That’s when old Kirk concocted his unparalleled creativity, and got the idea of using a relational set of strange little bricks to build his new store. His store did not amass much revenue from the good-old fashion carpentry products that he had in mind; however, kids were flocking to his shop, begging him to sell those little bricks he used for the construction of his shop.

The Butterfly Effect

Eventually, plastic hit the scene (much to the Democrat’s alleviation), and as I am writing this, Lego bricks outnumber humans by like 62 to one. That’s right, when old Kirk fused plastic with those little bricks he invented, Lego came out, and it sold as fast as a swift rain of bird $h!t. Ironically, had his carpentry shop not been burnt down, we would have never bankrupted our parents with these “educational” toys we now call Lego. See kids, there are other reasons to burn a house down aside from life insurance! 😉

3. And Yet Another “Hitler Effect”


The Academy of Fine Arts in Vienna is a highly renowned Art Institution, and Germans everywhere congregated every meager dorm within it’s confines.

The Event

Sometime in 1905, some artistic hippie applied to The Academy of Fine Arts in Vienna; he got rejected. 2 years later, he applied again, to no avail. The institution returned a statement quoting: “You are unfit for painting, you are better suited to study architecture”. Boy did they crack a lot of nuts with these letters.

The Butterfly Effect

The young rabble-rousing boner who got rejected twice from the Fine Arts Institution was a man by the name of Adolf Hitler, and this splendid Academy was 100% foolproof about what they said in that rejection letter.. He’s not fit for painting, but he most certainly is fit for architecture; he architected the shit out of those grisly concentration camps, that were used to slaughter millions of Jews. And if it wasn’t for this Academy’s superb intuition, these Jews wouldn’t have had to experience years of bloodcurdling torture and painfully unrivaled death. Thank you University of Bologna, for becoming the first university in history, and hence, inventing this cock-blocking higher education system that eventually led to Hitler ( sarcasm 😔 )

2. The Big Salad

seinfeld the big salad

When my grandmother was a kid she and her family would go on a ferry to some beach house in Long Island.

The Event

On one Summer occasion, they were getting ready to board the ferry, and to their debacle, they had forgotten that potato salad they were gonna eat at a planned picnic on the island. They were so fascinated by this potato salad that they headed back home to get it; missing the ferry, and as a result having to take the next one.

The Butterfly Effect

After getting their precious potato salad, they head back to the “ferry station”, and to their sheer horror, the reception announced that the last ferry sunk, and there were no survivors. If it hadn’t been for this divine salad, they would have been dead under the sea, and I would have ceased to exist..

1. We Are Going To Have To Postpone The Interview


When I was a kid, my father got an interview for some lucrative investment banking position on a Tuesday morning. Even a day before the interview took place, he was preparing for it in every way possible. And he was not just memorizing a bunch of financial terms he was completely oblivious to; he got himself a haircut, bought a nice suit, shaved his face, everything to prepare for what might transpire in this interview.

The Event

To his utter disappointment, my father received a call the night before the interview, informing him that it is being postponed until Thursday. This means, that everything he did to prepare for this interview, he would have to do it again.

The Butterfly Effect

It’s like 9:30 on a Tuesday morning, my father is taking mental photographs of financial terms, and strategizing how he’ll use it in the interview without having a single clue what they mean. He finally turned on the TV and bore himself on some financial news, hoping to appear up-to-date with the financial markets. And by god he just learned probably the most important piece of information in financial history. At exactly 8:46 am, some sand-monkey crashed American Airlines Flight 11 into the northern facade of the World Trade Center’s North Tower. Roughly 17 minutes later, another five airheads crashed United Airlines Flight 175 into the southern facade of the South Tower. Needless to say, my dad did not get that extravagant investment banking job, but on the bright side, he didn’t have to experience first-hand the single most heinous terrorist attack in American history.