1. The Dab
Remember this? If you do, you are paying therapy bills like the rest of us.. The nightmare began in 2016 (I think), when an Atlanta hippie hop band decided to make themselves look ridiculous by staging this embarrassing display; they were selfishly ignorant of the fact that this decision resulted in humanity stumbling a step further towards absolute lunacy.. And that’s when it happened – hermits from all parts of life were convinced that this will make them loved, proceeding to exhibit this shameful demonstration.
There was literally a debate as to the origins of this lady-repeller – apparently, that band in Atlanta could not possibly be absurd enough to invent this, and this gesture could only be done by the likes of Migos, Skippa Da Flippa, Peewee Longway, Jose Guapo, or Rich The Kid.
It all ended when Justin Bieber fell on the bandwagon and dabbed for the cameras.
2. Snapchat Filters
2016 still hadn’t ended, and people understandably needed something equally ridiculous to get their mind off The Dab – enter Snapchat Filters! In a nutshell, a Snapchat Filter is a feature that Snapchat built to connect outcasts with other outcasts. Disturbingly, Snapchat Filter was said to have caused a spike in cosmetic surgeries – hobbits of the 21st century decided they love this app so much, why not turn themselves into Snapchat Filters?
If you are one of those reclusive individuals who uses Snapchat, and you just so happen to get a message like this, it’s just the guys at Snapchat trying to make Snapchat Filters popular again, by using their new time travel technology to direct Snapchats from 2016 to your iPhone 6. This abomination led to the development of something much more sinister – something that crosses the lines of beastiality.
I bring to you!
As if society couldn’t get more demented, hey it did – this happened.. For whatever reason, the most mentally ill outcasts of society decided Snapchat Filters weren’t enough, and because they couldn’t afford cosmetic surgery, and taxpayers were not willing to pay for it, they turned themselves into Furries. Vice believes that this trend is merely a Fandom; I guess I could agree with them, only it begs the question – if these things identify themselves as animals, what are they attracted to?
Lets hope neither of us will have to find out..
4. Pokemon Go
Some guy realized how ludicrous people are nowadays, so he concocted a social experiment bent on studying how delusional people can get – he created an AR game that brings irritating Pokemon to life, and you have to be 18+ to play it, because god forbid you’ll get zapped by a Pikachu. As ridiculous as I believe Furrbies and Dabbing to be, there is NOTHING more pathetic than a grown !@$ man running around looking for Pokemon. Eventually, Niantic Labs, the company that perpetrated this insanity, realized that this social experiment had gone too far, so they decided to ruin it, and stopped marketing it all together.
They did not get the chance to discover the limitations on societal madness.
5. Being Offended
I’m not gonna include too much in this section, out of fear that I will offend someone. I think it is important however, to have common decency, at least when you’re around people. Point of the matter is, everybody is getting offended by everything. You play football, somebody gets offended, you cheer for your kid at a football game, somebody gets offended, you talk about your date last night in a respectable manner, somebody gets offended, you dislike a movie, somebody gets offended, you listen to Justin Bieber, somebody gets offended (OK that I could understand).
One time, I was eating a banana in public, somebody got offended. This trend hit an epidemic at around 2008-2009, and it had incrementally been fading out of existence the last couple of years, due to the fact that participants of this insanity were slowly becoming the butt of all jokes.
6. Killer Clowns
After the trailer for IT 2017 came out, depraved and unhappy individuals were giving our grannies heart attacks by jump scaring them at random, while wearing clown suits.
Those miserable people watched IT, and decided that being ‘the killer clown’ will bring meaning to their cheerless and insignificant lives, completely oblivious to the fact that they’re spoiling the last shred of dignity they have left.
7. The Mannequin Challenge
Another entry from 2016; oh yes, this sure was the year that showed how maniacal people could get. To make a long story short, people went completely insane; they could not live another day in the 21st century, so they decided to identify themselves as lifeless Mannequins.
I took the liberty of smacking one in the gonads once.
8. Extreme Phone Pinching
With all the insanity of 2016-2017, people got a kick out of pinching on their phones from hazardous locations, trying not to drop it. Apparently, this was a coping mechanism to deal with suicidal thoughts that were running rampant at the time.
The idea is simple, if you prioritize on not dropping your phone, you will not think about yourself falling into an abyss.
9. Sharing Your Food On Instagram
This is just atrocious – people who do this are harboring such an absurd outlook in life, that they feel the need to bring a professional camera to any frugal restaurant they attend.
They proceed to take a picture of their macaroni & cheese, only to transmit their dullness to the rest of us by posting it on Instagram, completely unaware of the fact that nobody gives a !@#$. It’s time we all come to our senses, and figure out a different way to get the attention we so lust for on social media.
10. Finger-Mouthing Pose
I seriously never understood this – at what point did we decide to stick our filthy fingers in our lips while posing like a retarded pinhead? That is a question God, Satan, Jesus, Moses, Mohammed, and Seaman could not answer in a combined effort..
Apparently, this is just a cool way of hiding one’s cold sore – I mean, you have a cold sore so you might as well look silly right? This evil is only a heinous subset of a much bigger, and more sinister heinousness.
I bring to you!
Thanks to Apple and Samsung, we’re all constrained into participating in these ridiculous selfie poses, with random, obnoxious twats on the street. Every social event I participate in is spoiled by one hobbit screaming out SELFIE!! And other participants in the social event are foolish enough to oblige.
As if severe narcissism wasn’t already running rampant in our society, those tech giants just had to reassure it by equipping insufficient introverts with self-centered photos of themselves. These are the individuals who’s moms carelessly threw away all their childhood photos, so they need something that could convince them of their purpose; more often than not, they check their Instagrams every 5 minutes, in hopes that they will be welcomed with “validating” comments on how special they are.
Hey, remember the good old days when you would get your a$$ handed to you for pissing on yourself? Well, a lot of things that would have scored you a melvin are now considered hip, so why not this right?
The idea of this campaign – women who piss their pants are fighting for the freedom of millions of other women who are suffering in the Middle East..
Look, I’m all for equality, but under what rock did a woman get up in the morning, noticed she pi$$ed herself in her sleep, and decided this will be the next big thing for women’s rights?
Apparently, this was just a cleverly orchestrated prank by a few 4Chan users.
Seems anything can pass for progressive nowadays..