It’s hard to find a good time to fart when you desperately need to release the load.
More often than not, I find myself completley debilitated when i’m at the office, because I have so much pressure in my buttox.
Even worse, is when i’m dating some chick and I cannot stop thinking about the hulking gas i’m holding in..
Which is why I made this guide – here are 10 occasions where you can shamelessly fart! 💩
1. When You’re At A Club
I know what you’re thinking:
Dude, there’s so many hot chicks there!
But believe me, hearing even an anal-singing contest at a rowdy disco is the same as listening to that low-talker from Seinfeld.
I mean just think about it, you can unleash your most boisterous fart and nobody will hear a thing – but what about the smell?
Simple, there are dozens of people crowding next to you, why on earth would anyone assume it’s you?
To make a long story short, if you wanna go out and you are really gassy, just go to a disco club 🙂
2. When You’re At The Zoo
Isn’t the zoo too quite?
Yes it is, but if you are one of those gifted anal-sneezers who can control the sound frequency of gas, than you can feel free to fart at the zoo without guilt 👊
Just think; monkeys, elephants, guerrillas, hippos; these mother!@#$%^ have the raunchiest farts in the food chain!
And if you happen to be at the hippo section, feel free to unleash your vapors, as even Hagrid can’t top the steady stream of hippo farts at that section.
Here’s a Tip: If you go on a date and have a crack-concert in your trousers, take her to the zoo 👌
3. When You’re Driving Near Sewers – In A Car Full Of Passengers
You know when you’re driving somewhere and you pass a sewer on the way, and then everybody looks at one another suspiciously?
That’s when you can relieve yourself!
Again, if you can control your fart’s volume, all the passengers will just assume it was the sewers anyways 🙂
4. When You’re In The Men’s Room
OK this one’s obvious – if you can take a dump at the men’s room, you can pass some gas.
Hell, most people cannot take a dump without unleashing a rambunctious anal-storm!
Photo Credits: gibbleguts.com
However, KEEP THIS IN MIND:
If you farted in that cubicle, make sure that everyone who heard it leave before you come out.
5. When Your Little Brother Is Asleep
If you feel like hazing your little brother and happen to hold in an anal-storm, march into his bedroom and give him a nice “good morning” fart 🤘
As a matter of fact, there are hundreds of YouTube videos exhibiting just that – the “good morning” fart prank 😂
You’ll find a few here:
Use that baby brother of your’s as a ‘fart pad’.
6. When A Restaurant Disappoints You
Why not right?
I mean, they’re the ones who served you crappy food, they should have to bear your fart.
If you can let it out silently, there’s nothing to be ashamed of, the restaurant smells anyways and it’s a great way to discourage other patrons from coming back.
Leaving a crappy tip isn’t the only way of giving that inattentive waiter a piece of your mind 😉
7. When You’re At A Chuck E. Cheese
Aside from the fact that cheese gives people gas, and every man, woman and child is secretly farting there, who cares what a bunch of kids think anyways?
Just get away from the ‘parent section’ (not like the Subway Guy) and unleash that brown cloud at the balls pit 😅
By the time the methane hits those kids, you will already be gone!
8. When You’re At A Mexican Restaurant
Now look, I love Mexicans, I have ABSOLUTELY nothing against them. But they eat a !@#$ing sh!# load of beans!
More often than not, I detect an aura of farts when i’m at a Mexican Restaurant (I love Mexican food) and I couldn’t help but join in on the anal-fest 🙂
Aside from the fact that everyone else farts uncontrollably, there tends to be very loud music at a Mexican restaurant, so you could fart as often and as loudly as you need!
9. When You’re Having A Nasty Break-Up With A Girl
Who cares right?
She’s probably throwing stuff at you and shouting curse words, you may as well leave a small anal-salute before you head out that door.
Photo Credits: someecards.com
I mean, what better way to piss off your now ex-girlfriend than to leave a nice trail of poop molecules at her home?
10. When You’re Trying To Annoy Your Wife
Photo Credits: cartoonstock.com
Whoever heard of a couple divorcing because “there were too many farts”?
I sure as hell haven’t, and I have a ton of fun anal-hazing my wife occasionally 🙂
Learn from this guy:
I know it’s evil, I just can’t help myself. I mean, if she’s in a good mood, and I feel really gassy because of her food, I will liberate myself next to her.