People love ranting about how prominently they fit our societal standards.
“I met the perfect a$$ yesterday”
“Math is so easy for me”
Behind that facade is reality, and reality is not remotely close to what said Kuckerbergs flaunt about themselves..
That “player” with the hot chicks is actually attracted to young children (scary but very true)
That math “genius” is secretly attending a math class, at John F. Kennedy Elementary School, he’s 21..
How do we know for sure?
Simple, a popular, yet overlooked data source called ‘Google’ 💪
Those friends who appear “perfect” confide in only two people; their therapist and Google..
Let’s uncover 4 kinds of bull$!@# with this magical search engine 🙂
1. We’re All Insecure Weirdos
If there’s one thing about our psyche that Google Search reveals, it’s our insecurity about ourselves and towards others around us.
Of all the insecurities that can haunt a “Costanza’s” confidence, Google Search data reveals that sex-related insecurities flip our sh!# the most.
Let’s take a look at some of the case studies:
‘Lack Of !@#$ing’ Worries Us More Than ‘Lack Of Communication’
Comment on this post if you never had an erratic friend who made a statement like this:
She hasn’t fu!@#$ me in almost a week.. Is it something I said??
Americans everywhere have an uncanny tendency to dwell on their spouses/companions not having intercourse with them, but rarely sweat about their other halves not being responsive to their Whatsapps.
According to an incredibly horny and recent study, people Google complaints about their spouse ‘not wanting to f@!# them’ 16 times more than complaints about their spouse ‘not texting back’.
To make this case more tangible, here are the keyword volumes for keywords ‘related’ to ‘wife isnt’ and ‘wife doesnt’:
When you start a statement with ‘wife isnt’ or ‘wife doesnt’, the sane thing that should complete that statement is something in the lines of “taking care of the kids”, “paying attention to me”, “returning my calls”, “cooks like cr@!”.
Not with us Americans baby 😉 We think about the important stuff, like, “wife not in the mood”, “husband has no interest in me sexually”, “my wife never initiates intimacy”, “I have no desire for my husband”. You get the point.
Same sh!# with unmarried partners.
Unmarried partners have 5 and a half times more sexual concerns than they do healthy concerns.
And again here are the keyword volumes:
I bet you guys didn’t know this, but according to a recent study, Google Search shows that their are twice as many sexually-depraved women than their are men.
Now, that doesn’t prove that men are putting out less than women, it just suggests that women are twice as likely to search for this concern, probably because it’s less expected.
We Are All Insecure About Our Private Parts
Men Google more questions about their Johnsons than other body parts.
According to an “interesting” Google probe, men make more banana-related searches than they do lungs, liver, feet, ears, nose, throat and brain combined.
Here are the Search Volumes for banana-related searches by men:
On the contrary, here are lung-related search volumes by men:
Even more fascinating, when men Google non-Johnson-related things, they have a tent-pole-intent for searching it.
For example, when men make age-related searches on Google, most of the time they’re concerned about how their Johnsons will function.
Hilariously, for every 1 banana-related search by women, men make 170 banana-related searches, and ironically, 40% of those searches by women are usually something like “my boyfriend’s Johnson is too big and is causing me pain”.
Now for women’s sexual insecurities.
Women are riled up over 2 things; their b@@bs, and their velva-odor.
Men search for big melons in general; women search “how can I get bigger melons”.
Last but not least, women are hysterically obsessed with the smell of their velvas.
They are mortally insecure about having a strange odor there; such as, the smell of onions, feet, vinegar, or cheese.
It’s baffling, but according to Google Search, it’s true 😉
2. Unmasking Strange Sexual Desires In America
Here’s a typical bro conversation:
Bro I dated this really hot chick last night. She’s perfect, she has amazing pillows, a perfect face, her velva smells amazing, and she isn’t too tall
That’s great man, how old is she? Did she put out?
She’s 26. Naaaahh man I wasn’t up for it..
You foolish, foolish man..
Well, the thing about Joe is, he ain’t so foolish.
You see, Joe has something called Gerontophilia, what this means is that he has a fetish for old women with sexual dysfunction 🙂 He just doesn’t like to talk about it.
According to Google Search, most Americans have incredibly strange sexual desires that only Google and themselves know about.
Lets take a look at some strange, yet common sexual fetishes:
Straight Women Get Off To Lesbian !@#$
I am baffled by the fact that 20% of !@#$ watched by women is lesbian !@#$.
PornHub were interested in this fetish, so they had their horny statisticians crunch some numbers.
The results? The ‘Lesbian’ category on their site is the most ‘ogled on’ category among it’s female viewers. In fact, PornHub stated that lustful women are far more likely to search for “girl-on-girl action” than sex-craved young men.
Take a look for yourself:
Women’s strange fascination with female-love !@#$ might be rooted to their superior ‘sexual flexibility’, as well as their lust for ‘same sex experimentation’.
Guys Dig Old Women
Now don’t puke on you’re computer monitor just yet ✋ When I say ‘old women’, I mostly mean young men saluting to 40-50 year women, probably mom’s hot friends.
I’m not saying that most guys salute to granny (some do), but Google Search clearly reveals that men are HARD ON ‘old lady !@#$’.
See for yourself:
I guess the idea of hitting it on with an experienced partner appeals to a lot of men 👌
Guys Dig Fat Chicks
It’s not unusual for men to be turned off by women who are too skinny, but Google Search suggests that American men are fanatic about women who are bigger than they are.
Here is the data that supports this wild-a$$ claim:
I guess men like to make love in the ‘opposite position’ 💪
Ladies Love Misogynistic !@#$
As much as American women complain about maltreatment towards women (I don’t condone misogynistic behavior), they sure have their way with it on Google.
Google Search data shows that ladies flat out ‘explode’ to !@#$ography that involves violence against women.
Don’t believe me? See for yourself..
To be fair, it’s kind of obvious most women dig macho men who treat them like cr@! 😉
3. Hate & Prejudice
We Americans love to signal our virtues, when we see an apparently “bigot” opportunity, we point our righteous fingers on the alleged “racist”.
Political Correctness is so rampant i’m afraid to use the word ‘she’ in public..
The American truth however, is that there is no such thing as a ‘moralistic saint’. Nobody, not Bill Cosby, not Jared the Subway Guy, not Harvey Weinstein, and not even Harry Potter is free of prejudice.
Everybody is a little racist, or at the very least prejudice; you just don’t want to admit it to anyone, except for Google 😉
Google Search reveals the inner-bigot of every SJW who points his courteous trouser-snake on every opportunity he gets 🖕
Here are just a few examples:
Photo Credits: The Ring of Fire
Nobody dislikes black people, I personally love them ( I am not virtue signaling 😉 ) However, we all have a debilitating urge to spew out some black jokes every once in a while, or we are just curious about the size of their Johnsons. That’s what Google Search data reveals.
Here are Google auto-suggestions for the string “do black people”:
If Google Auto-Suggests something, that means it is a frequently searched ‘keyword’ – just saying 🙂
If you want more, here it is:
Again, nobody hates people of Asian descent, but Google Search clearly reveals we all crack a few prejudice remarks on them from time to time.
Here are some DATA-DRIVEN Auto-Suggestions for “chinese jokes”:
And these people who are awfully curious about “Chinese math skills”:
Google Search data also suggests prejudice towards people from India.
Here is what I got from searching “Indian f”:
It’s nothing bad, it just shows that there are an incredibly large number of Americans that enjoy a little Indian humor 😉
Here’s an interesting one:
This is coming from the a$$-clown who wants Apu off The Simpsons..
4. Everybody Lies
Well this one’s rather obvious; be it grades, careers, your kids, your marriage, everybody lies about all those things.
Remember that Straight-A kid who would humble-brag about not trying hard?
Google Search data flat out proves that we’re all a bunch of liars, including that snotty humble-bragger.
Here are some cases:
BEHOLD! THE MOST IRRITATING HUMBLE BRAGGERS IN THE SOCIAL MEDIA ERA!
These moms flaunt their kids any time they get the chance, which is usually about 60 times a year. The other 300 times of the year their poor kids are either failing exams or are in an insane asylum.
Let’s face it, most moms brag about their kids, but Google Search data reveals that most moms are unquestionably insecure about their little ones.
All I did was go on Google and type “my kid is very” and here is what I got:
Why not “my kid is very good at math”, or “my kid is very talented”?
Because that’s not what parents have on their mind, and Google is their greatest confidant.
Here’s one for those proud gymnast moms:
Again, how about “my daughter is really athletic” or “my daughter is reading above grade level”?
Inner feelings.. that’s all it is..
And another one for those dandy Straight-A moms:
What’s my point?
My point is that every mother under the sun has a colossal demon under her care, no matter how often she flaunts that little angle of her’s..
My Grades Are Perfect And I Never Study
We all had that college friend; the dude who parties every night, plays GTA V, smokes pot, fires off 5 times a day, everything but hitting the books.
And he allegedly has straight As; he doesn’t, get a load of this:
I don’t expect you to be surprised by this, I just want to remind you that most likely that “perfect” frat bro of your’s searched this 🙂
He most probably searched this:
Here is one that I find more interesting:
Why not “my grades are improving lately”? Or how about “my grades are better than most of my classmates”?
Pointless search? Maybe, but it is impossible to get perfect grades without working hard, and that snotty know-it-all is revealing his true report card on Google.
So what do you think?
Would you judge a human being based on what comes out of his mouth? Or on account of what most people inquire on a wildly popular search engine?
It’s up to you and your greater intuition..